Stop trying to be impressive. No one is buying it. Here's the deal. If someone is going to be impressed by you, they're going to feel that way whether you try to impress them or not. And if they're not going to be impressed by you, they're going to feel that way whether you try to impress them or not.
We spend so much time worrying about what other people think about us, and trying to impress them. Maybe what we should be focusing on is being impressive to ourselves. Think about it. Who do you wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night? Who is the one person who you can't get away from? Your own opinions about yourself are what really shape your personality, and that is what other people see.
If you are doing things that are impressive to yourself, that will translate into self-confidence. And few things are more attractive to others than self-confidence. If you don't really feel like you're good at anything, then why would anyone else be impressed with you?
So pick something that you want to be good at. Maybe it's work related, or maybe it's physical, like running a 10K or a half-marathon. Maybe you want to learn to play a song on the guitar. Whatever sparks some feeling in you, go with it. Make a plan. Invest the time in it. Achieve your goal, and see how good you feel about yourself. You don't need to go around bragging about what you did; just know that you did it at feel proud of yourself.
When you have set a goal, then worked to achieve it, you will feel great about yourself once you complete it. And if you can truly feel impressed at what you accomplished, then you have impressed the one person whose opinion about you matters the most.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Deal with it
You don't have to like it, but what can you do? So many things in life will never be the way you want them to be. And many of them are completely outside of your control. So, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to complain to anyone who will listen? Will it somehow make your life easier if someone else knows that how hard you have it? (The answer is no).
Part of maturity is accepting the things in life that you cannot change. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It means that you look at a situation, and decide that even though you can't change it, and you can't get away from it, you will make the best of it. If you can get away from it, then do that. But if you can't, then accept it.
Life is filled with difficult, often painful, experiences. That's just part of living. Do you really want to be the person that other avoid because all they do is complain about how bad things are? Is it really that much worse for you than for the people who aren't complaining? Maybe the difference is in how you choose to deal with it.
Here's my advice. Stop wishing that everything would somehow start going the way you want it to. Life doesn't work that way. Look around your life, and figure out what you can change, and what you can't change. Set a course of action to change the things you can. Accept that you have to live with the things you cannot change. I mean, really accept it. No sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, secretly hoping it will change. It won't. There is good and bad in life. This is the bad.
Now choose to redirect your focus on the things that you are changing. If you're working at it, then some things should be getting better. Be proud of yourself. Be happy about those things.
You'll find that if you choose to accept the hard stuff, and focus on the positive stuff, all of a sudden you life will seem better. It's still the same life, but it's better. Wouldn't you like to have a better life? Give it a try.
Part of maturity is accepting the things in life that you cannot change. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It means that you look at a situation, and decide that even though you can't change it, and you can't get away from it, you will make the best of it. If you can get away from it, then do that. But if you can't, then accept it.
Life is filled with difficult, often painful, experiences. That's just part of living. Do you really want to be the person that other avoid because all they do is complain about how bad things are? Is it really that much worse for you than for the people who aren't complaining? Maybe the difference is in how you choose to deal with it.
Here's my advice. Stop wishing that everything would somehow start going the way you want it to. Life doesn't work that way. Look around your life, and figure out what you can change, and what you can't change. Set a course of action to change the things you can. Accept that you have to live with the things you cannot change. I mean, really accept it. No sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, secretly hoping it will change. It won't. There is good and bad in life. This is the bad.
Now choose to redirect your focus on the things that you are changing. If you're working at it, then some things should be getting better. Be proud of yourself. Be happy about those things.
You'll find that if you choose to accept the hard stuff, and focus on the positive stuff, all of a sudden you life will seem better. It's still the same life, but it's better. Wouldn't you like to have a better life? Give it a try.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
There's not enough time
There aren't enough hours in the day to do everything. So how do you prioritize? How do you decide what really matters, and what just seems important right now? We have jobs, relationships, kids, extended family, exercise, and more that we have to try to figure out how to fit into our lives.
As you grow up, most of the things you do are assigned for you. You may choose to join a team, but the practices and games are all scheduled, and you show up when you have to. As you get older, you have to make more choices about how to allocate the time in your life. But typically no one ever shows you how to do this.
First, think about what it really important to you, and why. Really think about the "why" part. Is it really important to you, or is that baggage from your parents or from a previous relationship? What truly matters to you? Imagine yourself 30 years from now, looking back at your life. Did you choose the things that mattered, or did you choose the things that seemed important at the time, but didn't have a lasting impact?
For me, family time and relationship time are at the top of my list. Those are far more important to me than money. I would not choose to work more hours, even for vastly more money, because those hours would take away from my family time and relationship time. Those are the lasting memories that I want to create for myself and the people I love. I'm not saying I couldn't find a use for more money, but the trade-off isn't worth it for me. I quit a good-paying job to start my business, in large part because I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss my girls growing up.
Once you've evaluated what is important to you, now look at how you spend the hours in your day. Does the allocation of your time match what you value? If you work more than 40 or 50 hours a week, is that what you want? Why? If long work hours take away from family and relationship time, think about a change. Would it be worth it to make less money, but have more family time, or more walking the dog time? Would you be willing to move into a smaller house, and drive a less expensive car? Again, picture yourself looking back in 30 years. Are you proud of your choices?
If spending time with the people you care about, or getting in shape, are priorities, but you feel like there isn't time, look closely at how you spend your time when you're not at work. Do you watch TV? How many hours a day? Do you waste hours on the internet? Could this time be re-allocated? I unplugged my TV 15 years ago, and my life is better for it.
It's so easy to get into habits of how you spend your time, then feel locked into them. It's also easy to "golden handcuff" yourself, where you work harder and harder to maintain your lifestyle, at the expense of your life. What good is a big home if you're too tired to enjoy it?
It may not feel like it, but you really are in control of your life. Or, at least, you could be. Choose the life you want, then live it. Make some hard choices if you need to. Think about the legacy you want to leave with the people you love. Are you working towards that? Are you willing to?
As you grow up, most of the things you do are assigned for you. You may choose to join a team, but the practices and games are all scheduled, and you show up when you have to. As you get older, you have to make more choices about how to allocate the time in your life. But typically no one ever shows you how to do this.
First, think about what it really important to you, and why. Really think about the "why" part. Is it really important to you, or is that baggage from your parents or from a previous relationship? What truly matters to you? Imagine yourself 30 years from now, looking back at your life. Did you choose the things that mattered, or did you choose the things that seemed important at the time, but didn't have a lasting impact?
For me, family time and relationship time are at the top of my list. Those are far more important to me than money. I would not choose to work more hours, even for vastly more money, because those hours would take away from my family time and relationship time. Those are the lasting memories that I want to create for myself and the people I love. I'm not saying I couldn't find a use for more money, but the trade-off isn't worth it for me. I quit a good-paying job to start my business, in large part because I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss my girls growing up.
Once you've evaluated what is important to you, now look at how you spend the hours in your day. Does the allocation of your time match what you value? If you work more than 40 or 50 hours a week, is that what you want? Why? If long work hours take away from family and relationship time, think about a change. Would it be worth it to make less money, but have more family time, or more walking the dog time? Would you be willing to move into a smaller house, and drive a less expensive car? Again, picture yourself looking back in 30 years. Are you proud of your choices?
If spending time with the people you care about, or getting in shape, are priorities, but you feel like there isn't time, look closely at how you spend your time when you're not at work. Do you watch TV? How many hours a day? Do you waste hours on the internet? Could this time be re-allocated? I unplugged my TV 15 years ago, and my life is better for it.
It's so easy to get into habits of how you spend your time, then feel locked into them. It's also easy to "golden handcuff" yourself, where you work harder and harder to maintain your lifestyle, at the expense of your life. What good is a big home if you're too tired to enjoy it?
It may not feel like it, but you really are in control of your life. Or, at least, you could be. Choose the life you want, then live it. Make some hard choices if you need to. Think about the legacy you want to leave with the people you love. Are you working towards that? Are you willing to?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I overdid it
We all do it sometimes. We bite off more than we can chew. I did it, and now I'm making the adjustments to get my life back to a manageable level. So it got me thinking, how do you know when you go from "enough" to "too much?" How do you decide not only when it's time to cut back, but also what you need to cut back?
I overextended myself this year. I was extremely ambitious when I started the year. I was taking guitar classes twice a week. I decided to volunteer one day a week at the food bank. I started this blog. I signed up for my first triathlon. And, of course, I still had a company to run.
I thought I was keeping it together pretty well. I was wrong. One of the great things about having a healthy relationship is that your partner can constructively tell you when you're doing something wrong. Leah pointed out to me that I had not been affectionate with her, and that I had not really paid much attention to her for the past couple months. In looking back, I realized that she was right. But while I was in the middle of it, I was so focused on everything that I was doing, I didn't realize the affect it was having on her. I can only assume that it had the same affect on the girls.
I decided to take a hiatus from guitar class. I took a break for a couple weeks from the blog, and I think that I'll scale back from six posts a week to three. The hard part is lowering my mental intensity level surrounding the triathlon. I still need to train, but I need to find a place mentally where I can remain at the same level of commitment, but not stress out about it.
Everything that I was doing was positive, healthy stuff. But all of it put together turned into something negative, and mentally unhealthy. I think that is where the lesson lies. Even if everything you're doing is positive, doing too much of it can become something negative.
I will be more careful when I add to my schedule. It makes more sense to only add one new thing at a time, then adjust your life to that before adding anything else. I learned my lesson, I think.
I overextended myself this year. I was extremely ambitious when I started the year. I was taking guitar classes twice a week. I decided to volunteer one day a week at the food bank. I started this blog. I signed up for my first triathlon. And, of course, I still had a company to run.
I thought I was keeping it together pretty well. I was wrong. One of the great things about having a healthy relationship is that your partner can constructively tell you when you're doing something wrong. Leah pointed out to me that I had not been affectionate with her, and that I had not really paid much attention to her for the past couple months. In looking back, I realized that she was right. But while I was in the middle of it, I was so focused on everything that I was doing, I didn't realize the affect it was having on her. I can only assume that it had the same affect on the girls.
I decided to take a hiatus from guitar class. I took a break for a couple weeks from the blog, and I think that I'll scale back from six posts a week to three. The hard part is lowering my mental intensity level surrounding the triathlon. I still need to train, but I need to find a place mentally where I can remain at the same level of commitment, but not stress out about it.
Everything that I was doing was positive, healthy stuff. But all of it put together turned into something negative, and mentally unhealthy. I think that is where the lesson lies. Even if everything you're doing is positive, doing too much of it can become something negative.
I will be more careful when I add to my schedule. It makes more sense to only add one new thing at a time, then adjust your life to that before adding anything else. I learned my lesson, I think.
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