My daughter wrote me a Father's Day card that said "You taught me to look at life in a different way and when I did I got happier." First, I think this is about the highest compliment I could get from one of my kids, and second, she is exactly right about the secret to happiness.
Notice that she didn't say that she got happier because I got a better-paying job, or moved into a nicer house, or took a great vacation. These are all things that so many of us spend our lives chasing, believing that they will make us happier. But the only thing that will actually make you happier is to change the way you look at life.
Life is hard. Sometimes it hurts. That's just the way it is, and wishing that it was different isn't doing you any favors. Take action to change the things you can in life, then take the equally important action of changing the way you look at life. What is your reaction when bad things happen? Do you feel sorry for yourself, choose to be stronger because of it? What is your reaction when you make a mistake? Do you beat yourself up over it, or choose to learn from it?
There is only one thing that makes the difference between you being happy and you not being happy. That one thing is you. Try looking at things that happen to you, even bad or painful things, as opportunities to grow, to be a better person. I think you'll notice that it makes everything seem better, and you'll feel happier.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Nobody's perfect
Nobody's perfect, not even dads. Since today is Father's Day, of course it got me thinking about my dad, which got me thinking about relationships with the people in our lives in general. Every person in our lives brings us something we can learn from. Some of it is positive, and some of it is negative, but it is all something we can learn from to shape our own selves, and our own lives.
My dad taught me a lot about how to be a man, and he also gave me examples of how I did not want to be. When I think about him now, I think about the good things that he did as much as the bad things. But here's the catch; I appreciate both of them. I try to be like him with the good things, and I try to not be like him for the bad things. Just because someone has flaws doesn't mean they can't teach you.
Think about the people in your life. Not just your family, but friends, teachers, co-workers. What can you learn from each of them? Think about someone you don't like, or someone who makes you feel bad. Doesn't that make you think about how you can be a better person, so that you don't make other people feel bad?
Most people go through life making choices without really thinking about what they're choosing and why they're choosing it. If you choose to live your life on purpose, you can choose to copy the negative behaviors around you, or the positive ones. It's your choice. What will you choose?
My dad taught me a lot about how to be a man, and he also gave me examples of how I did not want to be. When I think about him now, I think about the good things that he did as much as the bad things. But here's the catch; I appreciate both of them. I try to be like him with the good things, and I try to not be like him for the bad things. Just because someone has flaws doesn't mean they can't teach you.
Think about the people in your life. Not just your family, but friends, teachers, co-workers. What can you learn from each of them? Think about someone you don't like, or someone who makes you feel bad. Doesn't that make you think about how you can be a better person, so that you don't make other people feel bad?
Most people go through life making choices without really thinking about what they're choosing and why they're choosing it. If you choose to live your life on purpose, you can choose to copy the negative behaviors around you, or the positive ones. It's your choice. What will you choose?
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Get better friends
Do the people in your life raise you up, or bring you down? Sometimes we end up spending time with people because we're in the same classes, or work together, or live by each other. But not all friendships are actually good for you.
What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of choices do you want to make in your life? Once you know the answers to these questions, the next step is to surround yourself with people who have your same set of values.
We are so strongly affected by the people that we talk with every day. It can be much easier to be around people with lower moral standards than yours. People who make bad choices in their lives make excuses, and rationalize their behavior. They'll do the same thing for you. They'll tell you why it was okay that you did something that you know you shouldn't have done. And then you will choose to believe their words, and continue to make bad choices.
The people you choose to surround yourself with should make you want to be a better person. They should help you reach new heights in your life. They shouldn't be afraid to tell you if you're making bad choices. They wouldn't do this to criticize you, but out of concern for your well-being.
Think about the people in your life. Do they make you want to be a better person? If they don't, think about replacing them. Every day of your life gives you another chance to correct any mistakes you've made in the past. Each day is a new day, where you get to choose what kind of life you're going to live, and what kind of person you're going to be.
What will your choice be? And who will you choose to have with you?
What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of choices do you want to make in your life? Once you know the answers to these questions, the next step is to surround yourself with people who have your same set of values.
We are so strongly affected by the people that we talk with every day. It can be much easier to be around people with lower moral standards than yours. People who make bad choices in their lives make excuses, and rationalize their behavior. They'll do the same thing for you. They'll tell you why it was okay that you did something that you know you shouldn't have done. And then you will choose to believe their words, and continue to make bad choices.
The people you choose to surround yourself with should make you want to be a better person. They should help you reach new heights in your life. They shouldn't be afraid to tell you if you're making bad choices. They wouldn't do this to criticize you, but out of concern for your well-being.
Think about the people in your life. Do they make you want to be a better person? If they don't, think about replacing them. Every day of your life gives you another chance to correct any mistakes you've made in the past. Each day is a new day, where you get to choose what kind of life you're going to live, and what kind of person you're going to be.
What will your choice be? And who will you choose to have with you?
Monday, June 11, 2012
Do things greatly
You don't have to do great things, but you should do things greatly. At my daughter's graduation yesterday, the Head of School gave the type of speech you expect at graduations. Overall, I thought it was great, but I had one problem with it. She spoke of the graduates who would go on to cure a disease, or hold public office, or a variety of other great things.
This got me thinking. If our measure of success is doing great things, doesn't this mean that most of us will end up disappointed in our accomplishments? I have a better idea for how to grade yourself on your success in life. Rather than aiming for great things, why not aim to do whatever you do greatly.
Whether you're a brain surgeon, or a garbage collector, you are a contributing member of society. Whatever job you have, be the best at it that you can be. Aim to get better all the time. Try to learn new things. Be great.
Think about how much better the world would be if we all aimed to be the best that we can be at whatever we're doing, rather than dreaming of doing something more glamorous. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't aim high. Aim as high as you want, but wherever you are, whatever you're doing, be the best you can be.
You can start today. Be the best you can be at whatever you do today. Take pride in what you do. I think you'll like how good it feels.
This got me thinking. If our measure of success is doing great things, doesn't this mean that most of us will end up disappointed in our accomplishments? I have a better idea for how to grade yourself on your success in life. Rather than aiming for great things, why not aim to do whatever you do greatly.
Whether you're a brain surgeon, or a garbage collector, you are a contributing member of society. Whatever job you have, be the best at it that you can be. Aim to get better all the time. Try to learn new things. Be great.
Think about how much better the world would be if we all aimed to be the best that we can be at whatever we're doing, rather than dreaming of doing something more glamorous. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't aim high. Aim as high as you want, but wherever you are, whatever you're doing, be the best you can be.
You can start today. Be the best you can be at whatever you do today. Take pride in what you do. I think you'll like how good it feels.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Relationships end
You know you're not going to marry every person you date, so why do you think that every friendship in your life will last forever? Movies and tv shows don't help us; every time friends have a fight they work it out by the end. Parents don't help when they ask "why aren't you friends with so-and-so any more? Should I call their mom?"
Here's the thing that no one tells us. Every single relationship you have in your life will change, and most relationships will end. This is not a bad thing; it's just the way relationships work. You change as you get older, and so do the people around you. So it makes sense that you will outgrow each other, or move in different directions. There isn't any reason to end things on bad terms, since you may end up growing back together later.
Think about your parents and people their age. How many of them have friends that they've had since childhood? Even if they do still have some of those friends, I can guarantee you the relationship has changed over the years.
Change of any kind is hard. It's stressful. And relationships, by their nature, are emotional. So it makes sense that the end of any relationship is difficult to go through. Try to remember this as you lose friends, or as friends lose interest in being close to you. It will be hard, and that's okay. But keep in mind that it's normal. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you, or with the person you're no longer friends with. It's just what happens.
Keep making good choices, and being a good person. Treat people around you kindly. This way, when your friendships end you can have a clear conscience. And you'll know that there's another friend out there waiting for you to find each other.
Here's the thing that no one tells us. Every single relationship you have in your life will change, and most relationships will end. This is not a bad thing; it's just the way relationships work. You change as you get older, and so do the people around you. So it makes sense that you will outgrow each other, or move in different directions. There isn't any reason to end things on bad terms, since you may end up growing back together later.
Think about your parents and people their age. How many of them have friends that they've had since childhood? Even if they do still have some of those friends, I can guarantee you the relationship has changed over the years.
Change of any kind is hard. It's stressful. And relationships, by their nature, are emotional. So it makes sense that the end of any relationship is difficult to go through. Try to remember this as you lose friends, or as friends lose interest in being close to you. It will be hard, and that's okay. But keep in mind that it's normal. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you, or with the person you're no longer friends with. It's just what happens.
Keep making good choices, and being a good person. Treat people around you kindly. This way, when your friendships end you can have a clear conscience. And you'll know that there's another friend out there waiting for you to find each other.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Are you living?
Are you living your life on purpose, or are you letting life happen to you? I figured since it's the first day of June, my daughter's 14th birthday, and the 13th anniversary of me starting my business, it's time for a gut-check. So the question is; what are you doing?
I think it's a good idea once in awhile to look at where you are, and what direction you're heading in, and see if you're living your life on purpose or not. Are you making choices that have a good chance of leading you to where you want to be in life, or are you just going through the motions of living, waiting to see what might happen next?
I'm not trying to say that you should be planning out every aspect of your life, or obsessing when things aren't going according to your plan, I'm talking more about an overall attitude towards living. I'm afraid that so many people go through life doing the things they feel they "should" do, but not ever really savoring any of life. There are so many opportunities out there for all of us, but so many of us come home and spend six hours in front of the television. I don't want to get to be 60 years old, and look back and wonder where my life went.
So think about what kind of person you want to be, and what kind of life you want to live. Now think about the choices you make in your daily life. Do those two things align? Are you making the choices every day to be who you want, and to live the life that you want?
It's never too late to turn it all around. Every day is another opportunity to live the life you want.
I think it's a good idea once in awhile to look at where you are, and what direction you're heading in, and see if you're living your life on purpose or not. Are you making choices that have a good chance of leading you to where you want to be in life, or are you just going through the motions of living, waiting to see what might happen next?
I'm not trying to say that you should be planning out every aspect of your life, or obsessing when things aren't going according to your plan, I'm talking more about an overall attitude towards living. I'm afraid that so many people go through life doing the things they feel they "should" do, but not ever really savoring any of life. There are so many opportunities out there for all of us, but so many of us come home and spend six hours in front of the television. I don't want to get to be 60 years old, and look back and wonder where my life went.
So think about what kind of person you want to be, and what kind of life you want to live. Now think about the choices you make in your daily life. Do those two things align? Are you making the choices every day to be who you want, and to live the life that you want?
It's never too late to turn it all around. Every day is another opportunity to live the life you want.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Impress yourself
Stop trying to be impressive. No one is buying it. Here's the deal. If someone is going to be impressed by you, they're going to feel that way whether you try to impress them or not. And if they're not going to be impressed by you, they're going to feel that way whether you try to impress them or not.
We spend so much time worrying about what other people think about us, and trying to impress them. Maybe what we should be focusing on is being impressive to ourselves. Think about it. Who do you wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night? Who is the one person who you can't get away from? Your own opinions about yourself are what really shape your personality, and that is what other people see.
If you are doing things that are impressive to yourself, that will translate into self-confidence. And few things are more attractive to others than self-confidence. If you don't really feel like you're good at anything, then why would anyone else be impressed with you?
So pick something that you want to be good at. Maybe it's work related, or maybe it's physical, like running a 10K or a half-marathon. Maybe you want to learn to play a song on the guitar. Whatever sparks some feeling in you, go with it. Make a plan. Invest the time in it. Achieve your goal, and see how good you feel about yourself. You don't need to go around bragging about what you did; just know that you did it at feel proud of yourself.
When you have set a goal, then worked to achieve it, you will feel great about yourself once you complete it. And if you can truly feel impressed at what you accomplished, then you have impressed the one person whose opinion about you matters the most.
We spend so much time worrying about what other people think about us, and trying to impress them. Maybe what we should be focusing on is being impressive to ourselves. Think about it. Who do you wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night? Who is the one person who you can't get away from? Your own opinions about yourself are what really shape your personality, and that is what other people see.
If you are doing things that are impressive to yourself, that will translate into self-confidence. And few things are more attractive to others than self-confidence. If you don't really feel like you're good at anything, then why would anyone else be impressed with you?
So pick something that you want to be good at. Maybe it's work related, or maybe it's physical, like running a 10K or a half-marathon. Maybe you want to learn to play a song on the guitar. Whatever sparks some feeling in you, go with it. Make a plan. Invest the time in it. Achieve your goal, and see how good you feel about yourself. You don't need to go around bragging about what you did; just know that you did it at feel proud of yourself.
When you have set a goal, then worked to achieve it, you will feel great about yourself once you complete it. And if you can truly feel impressed at what you accomplished, then you have impressed the one person whose opinion about you matters the most.
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