People will disappoint you. They will let you down. Sometimes you won't be in a position to do anything about it, but what about the times when you can do something? What do you do?
The easiest thing to do is to just complain. You could tell the person that they are disappointing you, or annoying you, or that they are bad at what they're doing. But will that help the situation? Do you want to make things better, or worse? As usual, the right choice is the harder one.
Whether teaching school, or raising a toddler, or managing adult employees, it is always better to state what you do want, not what you don't want. You don't tell a toddler, "don't put the ball in your mouth," you tell them "leave the ball on the table." This approach doesn't change at any age level.
Last week when Emily had left things all over the house, I politely pointed them out, and I asked her if she would please pick up her things when she moves to a different part of the house. When one of my employees got complaints about his driving, I asked him nicely to pretend that I was in the van with him at all times. I could have yelled at either of them, or pointed out that what they were doing was bothering me, but no one likes to have their flaws pointed out, so where would that get me?
If you consistently treat people with respect, they will work to continue to earn your respect. And being respectful means not pointing out someone's flaws, but rather asking them nicely for an adjustment in their behavior.
What we're talking about here is management. Have you noticed that most managers you have had in your life have been bad at it? The simple reason for this is that managing people, including your own kids, is hard. If it were easy, most people wouldn't be so bad at it.
If you want to get better results from people, start by respectfully asking for what you want, without complaining or criticizing. You won't get what you want all the time, but it will work better than the alternative. Try it, and I think you'll be happy.
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