Is my past worse than yours?

How do you measure pain and suffering?  Is the pain that I've felt worse than the pain that you've felt?  Does it matter?

Mariah had an assignment at school to write a "This I Believe" essay, based on the segment on NPR where people write a short essay about a personal belief, and the life experience that led to that belief.  All 23 kids in her class wrote as essay, and they read them out loud in front of the other students.  There were a lot of tears as the kids related personal stories of hardship and pain.  What an amazing experience for 13 and 14 year-olds to learn what many adults still don't understand; we have all suffered.

Not many weeks ago, Mariah had written something expressing the hardships that she has had in her life because her parents got divorced, and it was clear that she felt that she had suffered more than most kids her age.  Of course, this is normal.  Most people are well into their twenties before they realize that other people have had experiences different from their own.

Think about all of the people you know.  How much do you really know about their lives?  Maybe you've seen them with their parents, but you haven't seen them alone with their parents.  No one knows what really goes on in the lives of other people; with their parents, with their spouse, at their job.  No one would know that my parents were in a cult if I didn't tell them.  It's so easy to feel sorry for ourselves and focus on our own pain and suffering, but we really don't know anything about the pain and suffering of the people all around us.

It's safe to assume that every person you know has had at least one deep and painful experience in their life which they don't talk about.  You don't know what it is, but it affects who they are today.  Just as you have had your own painful experiences which you don't share with people, but they definitely affect you today.

Try to remember when you are interacting with others that you really don't know where this person came from, or how bad their life has been.  You don't know their pain, and they don't know yours.  Would you judge them less harshly if you knew their past?  If so, maybe you should judge them less harshly anyway.  Give it a try.  You may find yourself liking the people around you a little bit more, and judging them a little bit less.